warning : this post is gonna be sad

So yesterday i got the call that no one wants to ever get. ."Are you going home this weekend?" "No, why would i be going home this weekend?" "Didn't you hear? Pat died this morning." I sat there in disbelief staring at the phone that was connected to my best friend Ilana on the other end..until I started shaking so profusely I could barely move. I timidly replied "what?" I couldn't even fathom how to react. Though I had not seen Pat in about a month, and we were not "Best friends" per say, I still considered him a friend and an extremely overly-nice person. Any loss of life at a young age is depressing, but to happen to such a caring person is a huge shock. I can't believe he choked to death. No one even really knows what happened. Some say he was drunk and choked in his sleep, some say he was awake and he started choking and no one could save him. Now i'm hearing it was carbon monoxide poisoning. Apparently he left his car running in his garage all night and the carbon monoxide leaked into his room and he died in his sleep. I don't really know what to believe. He was away at college in Florida for a mere two weeks. All he wanted to do was go away. He spent his past three years at a Community College near my house and he was so excited to finally get the chance to go away to school! He touched so many lives its unbelievable how many people are grieving for him. Everyone i have talked to from my hometown is in shock. Everyone is a mess, no one even knows when the wake/funeral are. I feel so bad for one of my best friends Jackie. He was her first love and they dated all throughout high school on and off. She won't answer her phone so I cant even check up on her..not that i really blame her. It's just so weird - a month ago another boy from my school, Brandon, died in a tragic car accident. Brandon was Jackie's cousins ex boyfriend. I distinctly remember when Brandon died, Jackie exclaiming "Oh my god I dont know what I would do if that ever happened to me..I cant even imagine.." No one ever thinks they could really be in that situation. It's just so horrible. I don't even know how to go home. I just got here and wasnt planning on leaving any time soon. I told my family i wouldnt be home until Thanksgiving. I called my mom thinking she would be empathetic and she told me I shouldnt come home. I dont know but Im pretty worried about Jackie and I really think the right thing to do would be to go home..all my other friends are going home anyway. Unfortunately it's under horrible circumstances but I think we all need each other right now anyway. Being in College Park has actually helped me cope. My friends have kept me busy 24/7. My roommate even stayed awake with me until 3am to cheer me up having a pillow fight. I'm so happy I found a great group of friends here that I can count on.